It has been so long since I last had the time or inclination to blog that, when I opened RapidWeaver up a little window popped up saying "YES? And WHO are you?"

It is just that I have been really busy in work. When I get stressed normal day-to-day things have to be forgotten about. This means that although the presents and food are all sorted for Christmas Day no one actually has received any Christmas cards from this household yet. Other than four that have been written as I have needed them. None have been written, none have been posted. That includes family like my brother who is probably wondering where his is, and now that he is married and has someone to remind him to send one to us, he is probably annoyed that he went to all the trouble of writing one to us, not to receive one back. It is in the same place as the anniversary card I should have sent to him and Anne for their one year anniversary - can you believe that their first year together is over? What a year it has been for them. . . I really ought to have sent them a card!

Sorry. I have been crap at cards this year. I will do them in a couple of days and hope everyone thinks they have been caught up in the post.

There has been one thing on my mind the last couple of days that I need to get off my chest.

People who know me in real life will know that I am not close to my mother. Never really have been. In theory this is something that needs addressed but it isn't going to be so get over it. I am closer to Iain's mother than I am to my own and it doesn't really bother me - I feel the odd bit of guilt now and then that I don't feel guilty and once in a while I feel bad for the kids that we don't visit her as much as we visit Iain's folks but she lives miles away and how many visits do I have to make in one year? This year I got off with as little as four visits I think.

We have settled into an easy arrangement in the past couple of years - she is busy on Christmas Day and Boxing Day with her friends and we are invited to visit her sometime after that. Some years it is the next Sunday, some years it is the next day that Iain is off, some years it is the 27th. .. it all works out well.

We have also settled into an easy present arrangement too. We get her the latest electrical gadget like a dvd player and she gets us a token present somewhere along the line but she enjoys giving the kids something wrapped and then slipping money in their cards. The kids enjoy it too. The way I am writing this it all sounds almost bearable doesn't it? Well, think about your worst annoyance over the last year and make it four hours long and that still doesn't come close the irritability factor involved for me. There are some things I just cant get over and I know I am a bad person for not being a better person and all that malarkey but there you go.

The other day I received an email from her saying that she had been hit, unexpectedly, with £120 worth of bank charges for going over drawn by accident. I know she lives frugally and I know that £120 is a big deal. I suppose I am a little blase to bank charges after having had them thrown at me all my married life but £120 all in one month is a bit of a shock.

The upshot of this shock to her system is that she has little money to live on this month. That isn't a nice situation to find yourself in during Christmas. She has plans for Christmas Day and Boxing Day already in place that she needs to spend money on. The only thing she could control was us coming down, so we were asked not to come down until her next pension payment kicks in so she has the money to put into the kids cards.

I rang her immediately, thus spoiling the illusion that a. I never read her emails and b. that I don't care.

We discussed the options. We could lend her money. We could come down and not do presents. She didn't need to do US presents at all. The options went on. . . finally we agreed on the option that she had come up with originally. She would invite us down again when she had the money to put in the cards. Sometimes it is easier to go along with the plan.

This actually suits me quite well. Jacqui is staying with us during the time that we would normally go to visit and this way it means we don't have to take her with us for the four hours of fun.

However. The strange thing. It never ceases to amaze me. As soon as she told me there was a mini-emergency I had to fight the urge to spring into action with the "I must go down to her house and sort this out for her" routine. It would be much easier on my brain to know I was going there because there was an emergency than because it was her birthday, of, god forbid, Mothers' Day. What's that all about?

Anyway. The plan now is for us to wait til she is feeling financially better off. It wont be long - just a couple of days into the New Year.

You know the really worrying thing? She only ever gives the kids a tenner each in their cards.

Christmas has been postponed for the sake of twenty squid. Sobering thought?

It has been for me. It has made me think long and hard about the absolute squandering that goes on at Christmas time. We aren't particularly well off this year and some things have had to be forgotten about but as I was wrapping presents yesterday it occurred to me once more just how materialistic and commercial Christmas REALLY is. If you can't hand over a present (to a grown up) and say "This present means something to us because of the time we did such and such together" or "I know you will love this because . . " should you even bother?

I know this sounds really preach-y and it wasn't the way I meant it. I just think that our household / family have been liberal with silly, extravagant purchases in the past for the sake of filling space in our hands when we had over the present, not because the present actually meant anything.

It took the lack of twenty quid to point that out to me.

Scary huh?

Why is it that I am so uncomfortable *wearing* a handbag? It never ceases to amaze me how weird it feels on the very rare occasion that I do carry one.

Funnily enough - I have as many handbags that I don't use as I have shoes that I don't wear - they tend to be bought together for weddings etc.

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was out and took a bag with me. I found it in the kitchen tonight and had a wee look through it. I kind of remembered that there were some *emergency things* in it: some Rennies; a slim line hair brush; under a pound in change; that sort of thing.

However, tonight I had a closer look at a couple of pieces of paper in the back compartment. There was a C.V. and a hand written job application for a sales assistant. I think the application was a good draft which was supposed to be typed up later. I can't remember if I ever applied. I do notice with renewed pride that I had a Distinction in City and Guilds Essential Electricity. That means I was quite good at wiring a plug. And electrocuting myself.

It was written in April 1994. It was before I had David. It was before I had a computer of my own. We were young - I state in my blurb that I was 26. I wish I was only 26 now. I really do.

I think it is entirely possible that the last time I used this particular handbag was in 1994.

The past few days has been hectic and stressful for me. All of a sudden I had far too much work for one person to handle and I don't mean the paying kind - the kind you have to do before you get to the stage of asking for money.

As I sit here stroking my Powerbook I have to thank it for behaving itself nicely during this time. I have to constantly monitor how many programs I have open but found that I had Bridge, Photoshop, iPhoto, iDVD, a CD Label program, Address Book and Excel open many times all at the same time. So long as I was careful to turn Aperture off when it wasn't required then they all played quite nicely together.

All that work is done now. Yeeeeebloodyhaaaaa. I have a lovely little pile of photos sitting on my desk at work, all named and invoiced and elastic banded together, waiting to be collected by their new owners. Some, I am delighted with. Some I am not so delighted with.

Somehow, I lost two hours today. I am not sure if it was because I only started heading in to work at 4pm (due to childminding reasons) or if I really worked so hard that I lost track of time. I did lose approximately 25 minutes when Becky phoned me and through the hysterical laughter I managed to ascertain that my last blog was so funny she was in the process of wetting her pants. We discussed the size of the puddle under her seat. I listened and smiled and laughed along companionably, waiting for her to get to reading out the punch line. And waited. And waited. Then prodded a little. It was then that she realised she had been laughing so much that she never actually read the punch line. Seemingly my stuff is so funny it doesn't require punch lines. Huh uh.

After work I headed to Tescos for a little bit of grocery shopping. I picked up a couple of things - one thing in particular that I never ever thought I would ever purchase in my life. Now I am at the point of saying it out loud I am hesitating. . . I bought. . cough. . . umm . . *losing my nerve* um. . perhaps I will tell you some other time - it is such a difficult word for me to say and so not me that I know you will laugh. . . um - no - the moment has gone. If you are at all interested you can leave a comment and I might let you know. *Is blushing* In fact - I might not ever admit to this one - unless you GUESS correctly. If it helps any - one of you not only has this item, uses it, but also has blogged a photo of yourself using it which gave me the courage to buy the same. Had it not been for you - I would never have thought of it as being something *I* could use.

*still blushing*

If it helps any - there were six of them and I think they were around £3.73. Ish.

I stood at the rear of the car dumping the groceries in the boot. I was feeling a little guilty because I had already made the decision not to return my trolley to a trolley park because the parks were WAY over there and I was WAY over here and the rain was WAY too heavy and all I wanted to do was head for home. Usually I am a good girl - I don't remember the last time I didn't return my trolley. But Dude - if they want them returned they ought to have a trolley park closer to me. Or at least provide umbrellas when it is raining. Or provide a Drive Thru. That would be good. Nods. A Drive Thru for say ten items or less - where they have to run round the shop for you getting the items for you. You know - like a petrol station at night time - when they are technically open but they door is locked - you know? Remember?

So. Standing in the rain. And a car stops behind me in a "we are either going to rob you blind or ask you for directions to somewhere you have never heard of" way. I anticipated the worst and buried my keys in my jeans pocket. There was no way they were taking my car with out me putting up a struggle. Mind you - I think the insurance would be worth more than the car is at the moment. I want my BMW back.

It was the latter. Directions for somewhere that yes, ok, I HAVE heard of it but I have absolutely no idea where it is. It was a young Indian couple. You don't get many of them to the pound in our Tescos car park I can tell you. The conversation went along these lines:

"Please take the car but leave my laptop."

"Good evening. Could you please tell us how to get to Newry? Or Craigavon. . . "

"Blink Blink" (Ok - I didn't SAY Blink Blink.)

But I Blinked. Because - Newry is thatta way and Craigavon is um - nowhere near there and sort of a completely different direction and it was taking me a little minute to work out the connection between the two.

"Newry or Craigavon?"

"Yes. Please."

"Um."

At this point I was like a rabbit in headlights - I doubt I could have found the rear of my own car never mind the way out of the car park. In fact - for "Newry" I pointed at the petrol station and indicated they should go that way until common sense took over and I pivoted on the balls of my feet a full 180 and pointed at the other exit.

I asked a little more and they admitted they had come from Dublin today and had missed Newry and were in fact trying to get to Monaghan. Have a wee look at the map for a minute. They had come from the south of where Dandalk is and come straight north, missing Newry and heading even further north and landing in the Tescos car park in Banbridge.

I am not too sure about the layout of that part of the world - but am fairly sure that it is damn near impossible to come from Dublin without hitting at least one roundabout in Newry. Perhaps what they meant was that they didn't actually go through Newry - there is a new by-pass there now . . . I am also fairly certain that they really probably could have found Monaghan without actually coming into Northern Ireland! I think. Wouldn't put money on that though.

So, the strange thing about talking to people in a car park in the pissing rain is that you bond quickly with them. They lady apologised for getting me wet (as she thrust a map under my nose to show me where Monaghan is) and I told her it was ok - it wasn't THAT wet as I brushed the rain from the map and held it under her interior light for a clearer view. I became concerned about how much further they would have to drive. I tried to think where they could, cheaply, roost for the night and failing that, tried to think about where they could get a cup of coffee to keep them going. They assured me, with the international sign for "we are full up," that they had already eaten and were well nourished for their expedition.

I think they were from abroad - they had definite accents but their English was very good and they even understood a couple of jokey comments I made. They have a long journey ahead of them tonight and I kinda felt like jumping into my car and saying "Follow me - I am going that way too" just to make sure they made it ok. (Talk about the Blind leading the Blind? At least they had a map!)

They drove off in the correct direction - all they had to do was make it out of the car park and to the mini roundabout where the road signs would look after them until they got to Newry.

I finished off putting the plastic bags in the boot, slammed the boot shut and tried to make it look like I had just forgotten about the trolley as opposed to deliberately having abandoned it and got into the car smug in the knowledge that I had done a good deed for the day. I was really nice to those people and I think they got value for money from me.

As I headed out the same exit as I had sent them to I glanced over at the lay-by on the right hand side and noticed a Dublin registered car sitting there with what looked like, two Indian people pointing at a map. I think there as a figure bending in the driver's window, pointing at the map too - but as I headed for Newry, I couldn't be quite sure about that.

I don't think I have mentioned it before here but most people who have been around me for any length of time have noticed my intolerance of things that annoy me. Noises mainly, but some smells too. I am not going to go into it all here tonight but suffice to say some things really bug me and they seem to bug me more than other people. I think it goes in cycles - mainly nothing annoys me - but when it starts it can get a hold of me for a couple of weeks and stupid wee things really annoy me. I know they are stupid things but there is nothing I can do to stop them annoying me.

I think it started the other day when the new external hard drive arrived and was smelly. I think it lowered my resistance.

Today the next door neighbour's dog was barking. I sat and tried to get on with my work but just as you thought it had stopped it started up again. Finally I did a thing I have never done before - I went out and glared at it.

That didn't really work too well to be honest. He was standing behind the fence (you remember the fence?) barking at the the trees blowing in the wind, the grass growing or the stones settling in the drive way - because I seriously did not see anything going on around the development that required a dog to be barking at it. I went back into the house happy that I had glared at him.

Two minutes later he was barking again.

I stormed back out and looked for him - he was standing at the opposite end of his garden barking out a different fence this time. I can't vouch for the fact there was nothing to bark at there.

Before I knew it I had shouted "OI!" at him. Made no difference. Bark Bark Fecking Bark.

The owners leave their back door open so he can come and go as he pleases and I know when they bother to shout at him for barking they come to the back door and whistle. So I whistled. He trotted back expectedly to the back door and I went back into the house happy.

I swear three minutes later I was back out there ready to throw stones at him, right between the eyes if possible. But this time the woman was out with him - standing in the yard, looking out the fence at a neighbour putting her baby in the car. The dog was barking, the woman was watching, the dog was barking, the woman was watching and I was seething.

Dude, no one on this earth wants to hear someone else's dog barking - why would you stand right beside your dog and allow it to bark? If it was my dog it would be barking only long enough for me to execute a quick toe up the rear end.

I lost my bottle though and just couldn't bring myself to shout again. I DID go back in to the house and bang the door hard enough to rattle the bedroom windows.

After that the barking stopped. I have no way of knowing if my shouting / whistling had any effect or if he would have stopped barking on his own but thankfully he didn't bark any more.

I would love to do an anonymous letter to my neighbours.

"Dear Number 17, If you don't shut your barking dog up I am going to report it as a nuisance."

"Dear Number 1, Please inform your daughter's boyfriend it is not cool to beep the horn at 2am at the weekends or rev the engine at 8am when he picks her up for school."

"Dear Number 19, Please inform the person who calls for your son at 8.20am that it is not required for him to beep his horn outside MY bedroom window and that the boy is always waiting for him at the door."

"Dear Number 18, Please inform your children it is not funny to sit in the car and beep the horn continually just to see how long it will be before Mummy comes out to scream at the top of her lungs. .. . . " oh, that's us then! Ooops!

At least I would have good Dog Etiquette IF we had a dog. . .

Overheard between husband and wife as they travelled the escalator in the opposite direction to me:

"Come-on-an-we'll-dander-on-down."

Imagine, if you can, this in one long word, in one breath and in a Northern Ireland accent.

It just sounded so typical "Norn Iron" that I have been saying it out loud for ages trying to perfect it.

Comeonanwe'lldanderondown . . .

Comeonanwe'lldanderondown . . .

Comeonanwe'lldanderondown . . .

It's like hearing a song first thing in the morning and humming it for the rest of the day. I guarantee you will be thinking about this all day tomorrow . . .

Comeonanwe'lldanderondown . . .

I know there are places for lists like this - but - I have just realised a thing I fancy doing before I die and thought I would make a new category for them.

Before I die I really want to see The Northern Lights. Somewhere. Even if it is just for 15 minutes.

We have finally sorted out a car. We went this morning and bought it - what a comedy of errors that was.

First of all I had the presence of mind to remind Iain to phone the guy so he knew we were coming. Even with that - the guy admitted he was only out of bed when we arrived. If we hadn't phoned ahead he may have been standing in the yard in his jammies!

When we had had a second test drive and had haggled the guy down a massive £105 (we were expecting a good luck penny of about £25!), we had to go to a nearby town to withdraw the money. That would be a one way street town that took me about 15 minutes to do one trip around the block while I was waiting for Iain - all because there were two Red Coats patrolling right where I wanted to sit.

We did the deal and drove off in convoy after the guy pointed us in the direction of the nearest petrol station as the new car was running on fumes by that stage. About EIGHT MILES LATER ("just up the road" my arse!) and after driving up and down a small country village like something out of the Keystone Cops we finally doubled back and found a station way. over. there.

The petrol station was mega. A massive place with groceries, a Post Office and a delicious smelling SubWay - which was doing great trade. It took me about 10 minutes to find the coffee (remember my empty-cupboard situation yesterday?) and then another ten minutes to find the eggs. Jessica and I will have eggs later for lunch.

Seriously, I wandered up and down hunting for the eggs. No where to be seen. I started to doubt that there may not actually be any eggs in the place. . .

I finally arrived back at the house, put the kettle on to boil and put my hand in my pocket to find I have Iain's keys here. He can't get into the shop without them and I know his mobile phone is dead cos we used mine to call the car guy. . . am expecting him back any minute!

For those of you who are into the technical side of motoring and gasping for some more details on the new car; it is red.

I had a weird day today. I didn't go into work, I worked from home. But working from home is really an exercise in hiding when your childminder is your next door neighbour! I didn't put lights on at the front of the house in case the children saw them and worked only at the back of the house, in the kitchen. One plus for working from home is that I actually only got dressed at 6.30pm to go and get the kids and then all I did was pull jumpers and joggers over the top of my jammies. Am about to go and do the reverse in a minute!

Unfortunately I didn't have a car so was unable to go and get more coffee. I had to scrape the hard granules off the bottom of the jar in order to get a cup during the day. The shop may only be half a mile away - but Dude! did you see the weather today - I am sooo not walking in that!

Lunch was jam on toast. Spread with a knife.

I've said it before and just this once more I will say it again. HALLEBLOODYLUEJAH! I have FINALLY finished the order for the group of 23 people I had in weeeeeeeks ago. The orders came in from them in dribs and drabs and I really ought to have just processed the photos as I went along but I was determined to save the £1.50 postage and saved them all up until I thought the people who were going to order had finished.

The problem was, there were so many people in the photos that they spilled out over the side of the white background and I had to *paint* in around them. Oh - just take my word for it - this tried my patience (and that of everyone around me) as I struggled to find a way to do the processing to my satisfaction, while bearing in mind the customers only cared that all the faces were clear.

All done now. Thankfully. I will be a much happier bunny when all the money is in for this one. Hopefully this one order will take care of the rent and rates for this month - all in one go. Keep your fingers crossed for me huh?

The thing is - I have totally fallen head over heels in love with the guy who seems to be the leader of the group. He was so lovely to me when the group were in. He made sure I got the sitting fee from them all and made up the shortfall out of his own pocket. I have spoken to him on the phone a couple of times now and he has been in to order his photos. He was a typical male - wanting BIGGER than the BIGGEST photo I could do - he was like a proud father of his group of friends and wanted a massive portrait of them framed on the wall. I talked him down from that and hopefully he will be happy with the poster size I have just ordered for him.

He is a few years younger than me (yes - I have his phone number, address, age, job description, where he drinks on a Friday night, where he drinks on a Saturday night and where he drinks on a Sunday night - come to think of it - there isn't a drinking establishment in the town he doesn't frequent!) all in the name of business. People GIVE me their address even when there is no real need for me to have it.

I wish I could stick a photo in here of him he is THAT cute. But, my normal policy of not publishing photos of clients kinda prohibits that. Wouldn't it be nice if he became a friend - or better still - possibly - a boyfriend of a friend - then that way I could show you all how cute he actually is! He has such an adorable kinda wee pretend stutter thrown in too and - heeeHe! Must work on that. In the interest of blogging of course.

So that is what I have been doing all day basically - organising these photos. Just as I was about to checkout the order someone emailed another order through to me and I started with that. . . then I remembered that Iain had a complaint the other day that my vouchers are too dear so I made three new ones for cheaper prices then I added in a cube thing I am doing for the shop window - I'll take a photo of them when they are assembled. Photos are cheaper to me when I order over 20 of the one size so I have been saving some of these jobs until I was putting in a big order - but sometimes that kind of system really plays on my mind and gets me down. . . . I think I am done for the night now though!

Iain went to see a couple of cars tonight and thinks he will go ahead with a Mondeo he test drove. It is hardly his ideal car and it is hardly the most immaculate car in the world - but I am fed up having only one car. All that getting up on a Saturday morning to take him to work was getting me down! He had an idea about going to get it on Saturday but I told him it was more convenient for me to get it tomorrow! Dude! Get it sorted! And over and done with.

I used my new My Book today for the first time. My new Amazon widget currently tells me that it will be delivered in one day's time - whereas, in fact, it has been with me for some time now!

Can I tell you a wee secret? I don't love my new baby yet. It might take a while. Yea, sure, it is mighty strokable and it looks mighty fine but - I kinda still love my old aluminium one and the My Book absolutely stinks to high heaven of some kind of plastic-y thing. It has been affecting my sinus all day. Yea, it glows blue - but I have had to turn that away from me as the glowing was distracting and giving me a headache! So, not a lot going for it yet! It is meant to be for the office and I am not going to be porting it about so I am sure it wont annoy me too much. I went to move all my photos over to it and found that that would take up 117gb of the 320gb available and I am just not too sure if I want to take up that much room on it. Might rethink that one.

I have been shouting at David all week to take responsibility to say thank you to Dawn for her kind gift - which he actually likes! Finally he got round to it tonight. Randomly, I asked him just minutes after he sent her a text and he confirmed he has sent it. Minutes later he ran downstairs giggling away to himself - "she says I am welcome - but who am I?" I think this was the funniest thing that happened to him all week! He has changed sim card since the last time he texted her!

More Work Work Work tomorrow. Ho Hum.


Oh - it is the 1st December now - you can go on ahead and put your tree up now.