David is now in P7 in school. This means in just a wee while he will sit two exams which will determine the secondary school he will go to and thus determine the rest of his life, his income and how *I* will be cared for in my dotage.

Hmmm. All that sounds a little heavy for sure but these exams are pretty important. Thankfully, we have always known that David wouldn't need any extra coaching but for the past couple of weeks I have been making myself available to sit quietly (don't guffaw like that), ready to calm him when he tizzies himself during *mock exams* in the kitchen. They do a couple of these a week in school and one at home over the weekend.

It has come as a little shock to me that he gets in to REAL tizzies when he sees a question for the first time. He simply can not calm down when he sees question he knows he isn't strong in - mostly Fractions - and sits and sobs "I HATE these questions" over and over until I ask him a question about the question which makes him look at it again in a different way. And on we struggle. Once he has broken the tizz he can tackle the question with no problem and I have seen him on to his next tizz before I realised the last one was over.

Rearrange these words to make a well known phrase: apple tree far fall from the does not.

I can only hope that on the days of the exams he is able to take a deep breath and relax enough not to shout out "I HATE these questions" in front of the entire class!

And on to Jessica. . . Today we found ourselves playing a wee game with her. David and I would ask her random Fraction questions and she got every single one of them correct. Things like "What are two fourths and one half?" She did them all in her head and I was very impressed with her. Sum after sum she continued in her brilliance until we were confident she knew her stuff and thought it was time to unleash her on a wider audience.

We made her perform in front of Daddy then. HE had to ask her question after question too. Finally she started to waiver a little and mistakes crept in.

We called it a day when we asked her "What are two thirds and one third?"

Her answer?

"An INCH??"

Oh how I chortled!

She is such a child genius, who am *I* to argue with her? She may VERY well be correct!

Tags: Jessica, David

This afternoon I spent 30 minutes round at the school, meeting with both teachers. It is an annual event, to catch up with what they think of my little darlings.

Things got off to a bad start when I stood in the wrong corridor for 10 minutes, having mixed the two meetings up in my head. Thankfully, P6 teachers have a bit of wit and Miss Bell came a-looking for me.

Well! I'll go to the foot of my stairs! It seems that David has moved from being in the top three of his class - to being the TOP! He scored 100% in things that were scored in percentages and then weird numbers like 44 on a scale of 26-44. Who am I to argue with Miss Bell about weird scoring systems when she is telling me the child is a genius?

She told me that she grew weary of giving him words to spell because he was never going to get 10 wrong - never mind 10 in a row. She had to have him up to the desk three times on his own as other children fell by the way-side, giving him more and more words. She called a halt to it all in the end and presented me with a report that tells me he has a spelling age of 15 years and 10 months. He is 10.

That's ma boy.

Although I reckon *I* have a spelling age of 15 years, 10 months!

There was nothing but praise from her about him - he is polite and industrious in class and a "joy to teach". We discussed the fact that next year there is a big test for him and should have be given any extra coaching or "test papers" for that. She cocked her eyebrow at me and asked me I was being serious? That is a big relief on my part as I really did not want to be putting extra pressure on him so early in his academic life.

I moved on to Jessica's teacher, bracing myself for the inevitable. Jessica kinda has an attitude to life along the lines of "I know I can do this so why should I jump through hoops for you?" Recently I have seen her writing wee notes to me with weird spelling in them - like "lurn" instead of "learn" (that being a real Northern Ireland accent thing) and one I saw yesterday: "wuarm" instead of "warm".

I am quietly confident that she will go on to bigger and better things but that perhaps learning wont be the most important thing in her life.

Well, Mrs Aiken would disagree with me there. Jessica is in the top reading class and got 50 out of 50 of her spellings correct. She says Jessica works very hard in school and the only thing she made a comment on was her handwriting. Funnily enough, Jessica's handwriting is the one thing I praise her for all the time! It is obviously a lot neater at home than in school.

So, I sat gob-smacked. My children are fantastic. Allow me a moment to beam with pride. When I came back to the house to tell Nanna, she actually punched the air with happiness!

Did I mention my son has a reading age of 15 years and 10 months? . . .

I had a pig of a morning with the children this morning. They work on a different time scale to me. When I say "now" they think it means "sometime within the next wee while - if at all." I needed to get into work early to get a job finished for a customer calling in in the afternoon - although I had told them I would phone them.

David hit Jessica. Jessica hit David. David hit Jessica. Jessica used her nails on David's arm and left some horrendous marks that he wanted a plater for. Jessica got cuddles from me because she screams louder. . . and so it went on for an hour.

I wonder, sometimes what Gill thinks of me as I leave the kids off. I am always hassled and glad to get rid of them. I am sure she thinks I have an easy life zipping off to work and leaving them behind. Sigh.

The customer came in and the job wasn't finished. Somehow I got way laid with other things. It was just one of those days. For the first hour Iain had customer after customer in the shop and didn't have the time to give me the internet. Not having the internet shoots my stress levels way up. I showed her some photos and she was delighted with them. I told her I hoped the job would be finished at 5pm but I would ring when it was to save her from another journey.

At 4.40pm her husband called in to see if it was finished.

I finished it at 7pm. I have no idea why it took so long. It shouldn't have.

Well - I had a couple of emails to do and a couple of phone calls. One girl is thinking about booking me for her wedding and seemed very pleased with my telephone manner, ideas and price. She hasn't seen my photos yet. Seemingly I come highly recommended - word is finally spreading now.

At that stage I needed to start a second job that is required for first thing in the morning but found that I had left BOTH the card readers at home. Just not my day. I had to pack up everything including the special printer and decamp to home. Everything was just dragging me down and making me tired and draining me.

I drove into my development and saw something that made my eyes fill with tears, a lump come to my throat and somehow make the rest of the day wash away.

Jessica was riding her bike. That is it.

Yesterday she couldn't ride her bike. Today she can. Today is the day she learned to ride her bike. Heee.

I congratulated her as she zoomed past. "I am not very good yet - I am still very wobbly." I had to ask her whose bike she was riding as I didn't recognise it. It seems it is hers - we bought it for her for her birthday but it has been in the garage all that time because she could ride the smaller one that had stabilisers on it. It is quite a nice bike - I am kinda jealous! Mine isn't as nice as hers!

She got off the bike and showed me her hands - they were cramped in a "round the handlebars" way and she couldn't straighten her fingers out. She then showed me her hand between her thumb and finger and I saw a blister. She has been riding so much today that she has a blister on her hand! Awwww.

Later Iain and I told her we were very pleased that she had learned today and that she had taught herself. She just shrugged in a "Why wouldn't I have?" way. She is so unexcitable about things like that.

I don't even have a photo of her because I was in a rush to get on with the other job still (which I finally finished at 11.30pm!). I'll have to take one and add it in here later.

But YAY!

The kids had their Sports Day today. It started off pretty dismal and quickly went downhill from there.

The funny thing is, year after year the same mummies and daddies are there supporting the children. I suppose there are those who can take time off work easier than others. I realised that now I am not at the school gate the way I was two years ago that I only get to see some of these people at get-togethers like this. We then tend to stand talking furiously with quick jumps over to the finish line to take photos / videos of our respective children as they fly past, or in my case, dont!

This year I didn't get the chance to take any photos as the rain stopped play very quickly. I did take a couple of videos though and have spiced them together for your pleasure.

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What a day! I had two things to do today. . . and have just finished one of them. I don't understand how my day gets eaten up like that.

Between making breakfasts, making lunches, putting on washes, tidying up, umm - now I come to list it - what all did I do today?

I was struck at one point how everything in a house is connected to another thing. I went to put something in the bin but it was overflowing so I went to empty it but I had no shoes on so has to wait for Iain to stop trimming the hedge so he could hear me asking him to take the black bin bag that was threatening to rip . . . when that was gone I had to wash the bin and the swing lid, but there were dishes in the sink to be washed but the dish washer was full of clean dishes so I had to empty the dishwasher before I could put the - oh - stop - I had to get Jessica a drink of milk - dirty dishes in the machine, before I could make lunch - wash the bin out, put the lunch dishes in the machine too, put the new bin bag in, put the lid on. . . . Putting one thing in the bin took me 45 minutes today - is there any wonder things never get done around here?

All morning I heard cries of frustration coming from David - from whichever room he happened to be in. It turned out he had finally decided to put together a Meccano kit that he had received as a Christmas present. It was annoying him. Eventually I said I would help him but it seemed easier to me to take what he had done apart, then start again. We did that and he showed me the steps he had already done and laid out all the pieces I would need, then he disappeared off not to be seen again until I had the thing finished! Am not sure if I got conned there or not - but it is done now and a mighty fine piece of engineering it is too. I am just a little concerned with the three screws that are left over . . . best not get me to do the gear box rebuild next time huh?

Actually, David had more or less mastered the thing - he was just stuck at one point that required the manual dexterity of a grown up with four hands so I am not surprised he was having trouble at that point.

Part of his problem was, in a word, Jessica. She is so annoying at the moment - will do just about anything to annoy you - she will lift things and move them - her favourite game at the moment is "Hide the remote controls." It is not uncommon for us to find several in a drawer a week after we stop looking for them. We once found a customer's mobile phone in a holiday wash bag two months after we had compensated the customer for the loss of it.

She will move money and phones and well, just about anything she can find. Jessica's main aim today was to wind David up so that he would react. And David is well known for reacting. Jessica lifted parts of his kit and just moved them to other places. . . there is no logic involved - she just likes to be as random as possible.

In the end I was begging Iain to take them out just so I wouldn't have to listen to them any more. I have said it before and no doubt I will say it again, but I remember when Aunty Lesley told me that her two children were always fighting and bickering that I rolled my eyes and thought "So What?" Little did I know. Little did I think then, when I was newly married and yet to think about having children that I would have two children who delighted in winding each other up as much as these two do.

It never occurred to me that it would take so much out of the parents.

During these times it is very hard to think about them in a positive light. The fact that Jessica lay with me for an hour just to be near me and to have cuddles and tickles (she has discovered far quicker than some that I have tickles!) is quickly forgotten when she sits and refuses to do what you ask her to do. . . .

And it is hard to remember that just yesterday David showed he loves Jessica by spending all that money on that silver chain for her when he walks into the room and smacks her on the back of the head before he realises I am standing watching him and he says "Wasnae me - I didn't do it. . . "

Huh uh?

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For the past 8 years I don't think I have been able to go to the toilet on my own.

Sorry. This topic has been on my mind for a while.

When David was born he wouldn't let me out of his sight for a moment. I remember taking him into the bathroom in his carry cot with me so he wouldn't start to scream when I needed a bath or the loo.

Iain has a real thing about dirty public toilets, so when we started to toilet train David he refused to take him into the *mens* with him so I had to do all the toilet trips when we were out.

Of course, you can't expect a girl to go with her Daddy to the toilet either - it stands to reason that Jessica will go with me too. The only thing is - Jessica ALWAYS needs the loo. If you were to ask her at any point of the day she would need to go to the loo. The only time she doesn't need the loo is when we are leaving the house to go out - nope - she doesn't need to go then - she is saving it all up for when we are out isn't she?

She doesn't seem to be aware of the niceties of toilet etiquette though. You know - the one were you just wee when you aren't at your own toilet in your own house? Oh no - she waits to get me in the cubicle with her then decides it is time to sit there for a wee bit longer. I am stuck there making conversation and hoping the queue outside isn't getting too long. Oh, and she can have the loudest voice and the bizarrest of topics when she is in there.

Her favourite game is to wait until I am at the loo and then she starts to play with the door handle. . . pretending to open it just as a wee joke. So funny until it actually opens - not so funny then!

After a long weekend with the children (Friday was an enforced day of rest because of the child minder, Monday was the Spring Bank Holiday so the child minder was off again. . . ) I seem to have been going places - the Mall, the shops, McDonalds, other places too numerous to mention and EVERY place I went I had to accompany Jessica to the toilet. I think I could work out the percentage of my life I spend in the toilet with my children. High 60s methinks.

I can not wait for my daughter to grow up to the age where it is safe for her to toddle off to the loo on her own. When will that be? What age will she be? How many more trips to the loo will I have to do before I can just push her in the right direction?

So, back in the house tonight. Safe. Just need a quick pee. . . and in walks Jessica. . . .

Sigh. One of these days I'll be able to pee in peace.

Thankfully David has no homework this evening. The nights both the children have homework the kitchen is not a happy place.

I am just sitting here thinking about the differences between the two of them when it comes to their thinking processes.

Jessica and I are doing rhyming words. She has to come up with words beginning with "th," "sh" and a few that have the likes of "ay," "aw" etc in them.

For "aw" she said "paw," "saw" and "law." I told her if she wanted to be really fancy she could write down "lawn" instead of "law." Now, that is the sort of thing I would have expected David to come up with. In fact, he would probably have thought of "lawn-mower" and I would have sat and wondered where the strange child in front of me came from.

When I looked back at her homework she had completed the words beginning with "th" with "things" and "them." I had anticipated that she would write down "them" and "then" so told her "things" was a very good word. For my effort she rewarded me with a really strange look - like - it was so apparent why she would have used those words and was I stupid for not thinking of them?

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"D'Oh, I just copied those words from the homework instructions."

And sure enough, in the teacher's handwriting these words were there in the instructions for the night's homework.

David would have been sitting in a panic, looking around the room for inspiration and missing what was under his very nose.

They are each very different children and each have their own strengths. It is difficult for me to remember that Jessica may not be the high flyer David is in school but she can still buy and sell us all when she wants to!

"You know how Daddy said that perhaps David and I could get a pet after the summer holidays?"

"Yes. . . . "

"Well, David and I have decided we want a doggy."

"Ummm. . . "

"Well, I think it was a doggy, it might have been a hamster, I can't remember."

Here's hoping they forget about the hamster too!

I received no fewer than six Mother's Day Cards today (and two bunches of flowers). These are the four hand-made ones that the children made. I then got two shop bought ones that Iain bought for the kids - not realising they had set up a cottage industry in Jessica's room churning out cards complete with rhyming verses!

Jessica came last night and asked me how to spell Roses, Violets, Sugar and Sweet. I think she thought she was doing a Valentine's card!

I received three of these last night!

I just have to tell you the verses in them:

The Pink one from Jessica says:

To Mummy (a sweeter version of the MOTTTHHHERRR she shouts at me from the bottom of the stairs!)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
Just like you.

Then there are too many hugs and kisses to count - such a girl thing - David would never been seen dead with more than one or two hugs and kisses!


The Blue one from David has no fewer than four verses in it:

Good morning Good day,
What do you say?
It's Mother's Day!
If you want it your way,
That's o.k.
Hip hip huray hip hip huray,
It's Mother's Day!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This whole day,
Is just about you!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Thanks for not relaxing,
To go to Nanna Lou!

You're not working,
Hip hip huray,
It's a very special day,
Hip hip huray,
What does everyone say?
Hip hip huray,
It's your favourite day,
Yaayyy!
Some people say nay,
It's not your favourite day,
They say your favourite day,
Is your birthday,
But I know this is! Yaayyy!

The next one was from Jessicca - orangey paper with cut out flowers on the front. This one was made in school.

To Mummy.

You are the best mum !! (then the !! has a wee mouth under it to make it look like a face with raised hair!)

And of course - lots of x and o's

lots of love from Jessica.

The yellow one that David made in school is a pop up card - my favourite! I love pop up books!

Happy Mothers Day!!!

To the best mum ever!!!!

Then there are loads of cut out flowers from wrapping paper (Christmas wrapping paper - so my flowers are holly berries, poinsetta and mistletoe!)

Happy Mothers Day
Love from
David

(NO x and o's!)

There - weren't they all really sweet?

Iain took the kids to his parent's for a quick visit while I finished off some work stuff then we headed down to my Mum's to take her out for a meal. I was fairly relaxed about this - normally I get into a real tizzy about going to her - she always manages to wind me up. I went, sat, was in good form, behaved myself, was in good form, ignored her starting to annoy me, enccouraged Iain to invite her out for a meal (OMG!!! She had made egg and onion sandwiches for us! That is a whole other journal all in itself!), sat during the meal making sure the kids didn't wind me up and trying to ignore her eating off her knife and lifting food with her fork and putting it on to Iain's plate because she didn't want it. . . . .

I ignored all that and congratulated myself in not going into a bad mood. I thought I was doing really well.

We took her back to her house, dumped her at the front door - I mean - well - you know - left her home. . . Iain helped her lift something heavy out of her car and just as we were about to drive off she came to my window, knocked it and said "Goodbye Grumpy" to me.

Sigh. I thought I had done so well! At least that is it over for another while. . . .

Last night approximately three minutes after I checked on the children (Jessica was fast asleep but David was sitting bolt upright on the sofa in his room staring at his tv - which was not switched on - am not convinced he wasn't "sleep-watching") I heard an almighty scream followed by heart-breaking sobbing.

I ran to Jessica's room and found her sitting in a heap on the floor with a duvet falling over her from the bed above. She had fallen out of bed. It is a cabin bed so it was a little further than an average "fall-out-of-bed." I had questioned the logic of taking the bedside rail off - but Daddy did that a while back and all has been fine 'til last night.

The wee dote sat there with her hair all tousled and looking "like a goat dragged through a hedge backwards" as we used to say. She seemed slightly bemused by it all - crying, but still looking around her as if trying to work out how on earth she got there.

David came running in. He was very concerned too. I knew he would start to fuss round her and she wasn't really awake yet so I asked him to run down to get Daddy as quickly as he could - knowing that would take him away for a while. Nope - he was back within 13.3 seconds!

Daddy came up and we paid her enough attention to satisfy her pride but not enough to wake her properly. She decided she needed the toilet and trundled off leaving me with the question had she fallen out of bed and then decided she needed the loo or had she been getting up to go to the loo and then fallen off the ladder? I know the result is the same heap-of-child but it seemed an important question a the time.

David had been in the thick of it and Iain told him that she was ok now and he could go on back to bed. Iain was gentle enough with him but as David went off to his room he burst into tears. It would seem he was "only making sure she was ok. . . " and was upset by being told to "go away" as he saw it. A sensitive chap is our David.

Iain and I spent the next five minutes making sure DAVID was ok - not wanting him to feel left out and wanting him calm enough to fall asleep as quickly as possible.

I suddenly realised that Jessica was still at the toilet and I was worried that SHE would be feeling left out - or still crying - or had fallen off the toilet. . . . I went in to check on her and found her sitting there, swinging her legs in time to the song she was singing totally oblivious to what was going on in the other room.

There we all were, running round the house from room to room, each of us feeling different emotions because of her fall from bed - and there she was already over it having forgotten what had happened already. Typical!

Another three minutes later they were both fast asleep and our mini-crisis was over for another night.

A sleepy head Jessica just came in to me to tell me her music had stopped. Mmm - she is supposed to be asleep by the time her music stops. Little Stubborn Miss - doesn't want to go to sleep tonight.

I went in and found to my horror she had chosen THE CD. The one that NEVER plays for me. You have to lift your trouser leg, turn around three times, slap your bare chest and then press play before it goes. And even then. . . . .

She has to talk me through the routine. There really IS a routine. It is all to do with lifting the lid before argh - I give up.

This evening I muttered something about the cd not working and the radio not liking me.

"No Mummy, it likes you ok - it just doesn't know you."

Bloody hell - if the children aren't running your life for you  - the machines are! When they gang up together you may as well just give up. . . .

On our kitchen wall we have a computer printed photo of Jessica. The nursery sent it home on her 4th birthday. It has her in her nursery uniform (sweat shirt and jogging bottoms) standing beside a cake with loads of lollies stuck into a lolly holder on the top of it. They always had a cake and enough lollies for all the children to have one each. It is actually a lovely photo of Jessica and we went through a phase of sticking loads of photos and paintings and things on the walls in the kitchen.

Last night Iain and I were having our tea. Jessica loves to come in and annoy us when we are eating. It really cracks us up as it is about the only time we sit down together and chat. As she was leaving the room she spies the photo and started to talk about it. She talked about the uniform, the cake, what age she would have been, who her teacher had been etc. Then she tried to see if they were candles.

"No, they were lollies pet - the nursery always put lollies on top of the cake."

"No Mummy I think they are candles."

"OK whatever."

"FOURCANDLES"

Iain and I looked at each other in complete staggeration. "FORKHANDLES???" I said.

"Yes! FOURCANDLES"

"Ahhh FORKHANDLES."

This continued for a minute or two. The child was completely oblivious. We were pissing ourselves. Little amuses the simple minded eh?

I WAS going to say Extreme Excitement but it isn't quite "exciting" as "arrrrgh!"

I walked round again today to pick the kids up from Kim's. Her Mum and Dad are staying for a visit for a couple of days and when I walked in her Mum had a glass of wine on the go - I made a comment about it and Kim said "You would need a couple of those if you had had a day like we have!"

Are you hooked yet?

The kids were outside on the trampoline (exactly the same as our one - same net and all - only David doesn't get black eyes on our one!) and when David saw me he came running in. Kim said "Don't worry - I haven't told Mummy yet."

Are you hooked YET?

The story came tumbling out and it took about five attempts from four different people to get the story straight. Seemingly with the Mum and Dad being there Kim had taken the chance to dump two younger sleeping children with them and had taken Ross (her eldest), David and Jessica to the shop five hundred yeards up the road for an ice cream. They were in there having picked the flavours and waiting for the cones to be handed over when a tall, young man wearing a ski mask burst in with a "gun" and  shouted "Open the drawer". At first Kim thought it was someone the staff knew playing a joke on them but the other girl not serving them hit a panic button and the guy just left the shop. By that time Kim had realised and went to the door to get the registration number of the car but the plates had already been taken off. As he got into the car he took the ski mask off.

Kim took the kids on home and the police came to her later on to get a statement. David was a bit put out that they didn't want to speak to him.

When the kids left my leg for three seconds I asked Kim how she felt. She was a bit shaken by it but said that having to be jolly and think of things to say to the kids had kept her mind off it. We are trying not to make a big thing of it with the kids. David saw a speeding noisy car on the main road and suggested that it may be a robber. We are now going with the story that the police have already caught him because Kim was able to give a description of him. Jessica seems to be so tired she isn't really talking about it.

Kim said her husband Paul went to the other shop an hour later and seemingly by that time the guy had held the gun "to the girls head and stolen two really big bags of money!"

You never know the minute do you? Doesn't really bear thinking about. . . . . .

As it has been a beautiful afternoon I decided to walk to Kim's (the new childminder) to pick up the kids. I will have to measure how far away her house is - I am sure it isn't far. It is within staggering distance anyway - it is next door but one to the village pub! Mentally it isn't all that far as it is a straight line and you can see her house for ages as you approach it.

On the way back Jessica gave me the biggest chuckle.

To begin with, she wanted me to guess her favourite animal. Now, last week that was a butterfly - so I thought it was safe to start with that. I went through various other animals finally ending up with a horse.

Nope - to my absolute delight this afternoon, her favourite animal this week is a Unicorn. I am not too sure if she realises that unicorns are . . errm . . sort of - you know - shhhh! We'll not tell her just yet huh?

Anyway - when I mentioned a horse she said "Ha! I am a pyscho! I am a pyscho!"

I blinked a wee bit and asked her "Pardon?"

"I am a pyscho! I knew you were going to say that."

I grinned and got her to repeat herself a few times just for the sheer fun of it all. The next bit was priceless though.

"I get that from Nanna you know. Nanna is a pyscho. Did you know Nanna was a pyscho Mummy? You aren't a pyscho but Nanna is you know. She tells me that all the time."

Mmmmm. There would be a few who would agree with you there my pet! Biggest grin I have had all day!

Sometimes when I ask David what he did today in school I get a sensible answer. Today he wrote an acrostic poem. And yes, I did have to look it up - I had never heard of it before.

S inging birds buildings nests
P eople playing in the parks
R ed apples on the trees
I  get out more often
N ames being decided for lambs
G rowing grass all the time.

Cool eh? He couldn't believe I thought it was good enough to write down. Little does he know I am sharing it with the nation! (Well - you lot anyway.) Hopefully I boosted his confidence a little by being interested in it.

I think we should ALL do this, it really brings the feeling of Spring to you doesn't it? Let me know what you come up with.

Here is mine:

S unshine warming the back fence
P resents to be bought for birthday parties
R enaults to be washed and hoovered out for the next family trip out
I ce pops defrosting on the kitchen table
N eighbourly invites for cups of coffee
G reat waves of happiness and hope.

No one said anything about rhyming did they? Phew.

A man came to our door this evening - rang the door bell - I HATE our door bell being rung. Much prefer a gentle rat a tat tat. 8.45pm and the door bell ringing - well it isn't going to be children calling for the kids at that time. There are like 12 different melodic tunes on our door bell - we looked into changing it when we moved here but it was going to cost so much we decided against it. The kids think it is a really cool game. The "Let's wind up Mummy and see how many of the 12 songs we can play before she totally cracks up" game.

It was David Greene. That'll mean nothing to you. It meant nothing to me either and I live here!

He handed Iain a leaflet and muttered something about the elections and left.

David took the leaflet and came running in to me with his prize. "Who was that man? I like him - he has the same name as me."

"Oh, he is a politician and he wants us to vote for him in the election." Ooops - that'll be three new words for him to have explained - I don't do politics remember? I can't explain these words very well. . . . Normally at this point we tell him to go ask his Papa.

"What's a politician?"

"Politicians are the people who run the government."  D'OH! When will I learn about increasing his vocabulary?

"What is voting?"

"Voting is how we pick the people we want to be politicians."

"Aaaahhhhh - I got it - this man wants to be POPE!" And away he walked.

I don't do religion. Remember? Case closed.

This morning as I walked bare foot to the bathroom I noticed a very dead spider lying on my bedroom floor. All curled up with it's legs all tucked in around it. It would have been a very large living spider and I am glad I didn't see it when it was still running. I did not kill it. It was already dead.

Jessica has the heeby jeebies over spiders in her room at night. I can never work out if she really doesn't like them or if she realises it is a stalling tactic - either way it always results in Iain going up with a glass and capturing the offending crawlie and depositing it elsewhere.

Today, when she came home from school she noticed the dead one on my floor and stood for a long time looking at it. (It will stay there until Iain clears it away. What if it isn't actually dead? What if it is just faking it? I am not taking any chances. I am not scared of spiders. Until I have to deal with them. So therefore I don't. If they don't exist they can't annoy you can they?)

Jessica then started this conversation. I have called it a monologue as I really only nodded or shook a head or shrugged during it. I certainly wasn't getting a word in edgeways!

"Awww - there is a dead spider on your floor you know.

It is dead.

Did you kill it?

You shouldn't kill spiders you know.

If it was annoying you Daddy would have taken it away for you. 

Are you going to put this one on the window cill?

What do you do with dead spiders? It was a very biiig spider.

I wonder what size it was when it was alive.

Are you sure you didn't kill it?

Why do you think it died?

Why did it die there?

Do you think it was sick?

What do spiders die off?

Did a bigger spider kill it? (Way to go Jessica! Nice visual for me there pet!)

Where are it's eyes now?

Can you still see them?

Did they pop out?

Are they just hidden?

Are they hidden behind the spider's eye lids?

I don't think spiders have eye-brows you know.

Or eye-lashes. I really don't think spiders have eye-lashes. Have you ever seen a spider's eye-lashes?

Donkeys do.

Horses do.

Ponies do.

Zebras do.

But spiders don't."

At that point she went off to play else where and I was left with loads of swirling feelings. She named all the same family of horses - how clever is she? She cares about the well-being of spiders. Awww. Is she really as scared of them as we thought? She thinks about things like spider's eye lashes. Awww. Maybe we should get her a pet spider?

T'yea right! Maybe I'll order my iPod this evening too!

Home From School This is what happens when you leave one child doing homework on the first day back to school while looking after another child's homework elsewhere. . .

We were doing the bath thing earlier - why does my son insist in washing in freeeeezing cold water? It is FREEZING. As soon as I try to sneak a little hot water in the thing back fires on me and totally scalds him with TEPID water. He can notice a rise of 0.00001 of a degree in water temperature.

We were arguing about something or other - I forget what  - but he was arguing he was right and Jessica and I were arguing that we were right.

David just sat with big innocent eyes and said "Why would you argue with me? I am a child after all. My brain is lovely and empty whereas yours, as an adult, is full up. Of course I can remember more than you. I have more room for memories and remembering things."

It is hard to argue with that isn't it? Just reminds you that time solves everything huh? He wont be able to say that indefinitely.

Jessica announced this morning as she was getting dressed,

"Don't forget you STILL have to buy me tights Mummy".

I wondered if she meant to go with the red dress, or for school, or just to have. . . .

"What do you want tights for pet?"

"For my LEGS Mummy."

Honestly - I think my children think I am soooo stupid.

Jessica has worked out there are three rights. We discussed this at tea time this evening. I am not too sure what brought it to mind for her - but the conversation went along the lines of:

"Daddy, you know there are two different "rights"? There is the "write" right which is where you write (scribbling motion with hand) and there is the . . .  oh there are three rights. . . . there is the write right. . . and the "you are right" right which is when you are right and there is the (waving frantically with her non-left hand). . . .

How clever is my daughter huh? We just sat and nodded. She was write after all. . . oops I mean. . . . three rights don't make her wrong after all!

I finally got my hair cut today (thanks Lesley for fitting me in!). On our way home from that we were within a mile of Nanna and Papa's house. I asked into the back of the car "Shall we go and see if Nanna is in?"

I got a "YEEEEESSSS" from Jessica.

I got a "NOOOOOOO" from David.

How bizarre! Normally David is absolutely dying to go and see Nanna!

I asked again. I got the same answers.

Jessica tried the gentle art of persuasion with "SWEEEETIES DAVID!" but that didn't work either. How VERY bizarre. Normally the way to my son's stomach is through sweeties!

Just before we got to the turn off in the wrong direction to Nanna's I tried again and they gave me the same answer again.

As we were on our way home I asked David why he didn't want to go to Nanna's and he burst into tears.

"I just seem to be breaking so maaaaaaany promises these days and I am not prepared to break THIS one."

Huh? What?

It turns out David and Jack W had decided that they were getting together this afternoon and David was supposed to go round as soon as he got changed out of his uniform as there was no homework today. David and Jack W seem to go in waves of pal-y-ness. Obviously today was a pal-y day.

When we got home David got changed pretty quickly and disappeared away off round the corner in a Jack W direction. I didn't see him for another two hours.

When he was giving me his hugs and kisses this evening before going to bed I casually dropped into conversation "How did you get on at Jack's house then?"

"Oh. I didn't bother going round to him - I went to Jordan's instead. I couldn't be bothered going to Jack's - it was too far away."

Ho hum. Poor Nanna. Blown out for a guy who was ultimately too far away for my son to walk round to! But let's not break any promises eh?

WE WALKED TO SCHOOL TODAY! YEE HAA!

Jessica and I walked round hand in hand. We had lots of lovely chats.

"Peter lives in that house, Hollie lives in that house. Sharon lives in that house. Look at that ladybird. I love ladybirds but I love butterflies more. Butterflies have more colours in them than ladybirds. Ladybirds are black and red. What colour do you get when you mix black and red? What colour do you get when you add just a little black to red? You know what colours there are in butterflies?"

We met an appreciative David. He has been dying to walk home for ages from school. It was a lovely day - quite mild - but quite blowy. We had the cobwebs blown away.

On the way back Jessica, who had held my hand the whole way there skipped all the way home on her own. David clung to me - made me drape an arm around his shoulder the whole walk back. It was nice but it was like a three legged race - we kept bumping into each other at the hip!

Jessica picked a dandelion and ran back to give it to me.

I thanked her. It was lovely. David was cross. She hadn't given HIM one. I told him that is because he isn't her Mummy.

"Yea? But I am her loving big brother" I had to hold back the tears of laughter.

My thoughts were "You are the big brother who normally kicks 7 shades of crap out of her ACTUALLY."

"Mmm-hmm?" says me.

Jessica ran back to us with another dandelion in her hand and gave it to her loving big brother. He said "Thank you pet. I only ever shout at you for your own good you know."

Ho hum. At least he is quietly sitting doing his homework now and she is happily playing with the current Mr Right.

Amazing what a little walk in the fresh air does for them huh?

You may have seen or noticed that I talk about Jessica more than David.

There are a couple of reasons why this is so.

The first one is really because I spend more quality time with Jessica - we have a little time before David comes home where we are alone and having lunch or doing lunch or doing homework.

She is great at doing homework. She gets three homeworks on a Monday night to hand in on a Thursday and always has them done and out of the way by 2.30pm on the same day.

Now, David - he would still be doing the homework on the Thursday morning if he had the chance.

When David comes home all hell breaks loose and he doesn't give him the chance to be in a good enough mood to be open to say nice things to his mummy.

Also I suppose he is really past the saying nice things to his mummy stage. I hope not, because he used to say such sweet things to me. I just didn't have HERE to share them then which is a shame because I have forgotten them all now.

Anyway. He was having an absolute fit of a temper tantrum the other day. He is so emotional and sensitive. He can flare up into a temper in a split second but if he feels slighted in any way he is in tears in a split second too. I just don't know who he gets that from.

I can't even remember what it was about now. Probably about not getting changed out of his uniform and getting his homework done. The only thing I can threaten him with at the minute is the withdrawl of his night time story privileges. That seems to be the only thing he cares about.

It used to be "I'll phone Daddy and tell him what is happening here" but one day he said "Fine - phone away - your battery is low anyway." Wee sod.

Until last week it was "If you don't stop that by the time I count to five (oh - THAT used to be enough!) then there will be no story this evening." That was the next step. He thought he knew we wouldn't follow it through. He always thought we would forget by the time it was bed time. Then once we didn't forget. That worked again for a little longer.

Last week he screamed back at me "Yea? Well I don't care. I CAN read to myself you know!"

So we pick up the story this evening. Daddy always does the stories. Daddy is always home. Daddy never goes out at night. Except once a month to his Motoring Meeting.

So this evening I did the stories. Two small ones for Jessica. They take it in turns to pick the story. Jessica's were over very quickly and I thoght I was getting back off lightly. No such luck.

I heard a sound at the door just as I settled back into the chair and picked up one of my magazines that didn't make it to the bin. David was standing with a book in his hand. Pleeeease could I read him a stoorrrreeyyy.

I bundled him back to his bed room and said "No David. You have had the story for this evening."

He burst into tears and sobbed. Life just wasn't worth living without a story it would seem.

I gave in and read him a story - it was a new one for him and we read the first chapter - I could feel him getting excited - the story was leading you to believe the main character ( a lovely friendly SPIDER) was going to be a lot bigger than all her brothers and sisters but on the last page - oh can you believe the excitment - he knew the punchline.. . . can't wait . . to . . get to the end . . he is practically jumping up and down in his seat. . he knows . . he knows. . . as I read the last wee bit he is shouting out with glee at the thought the SPIDER has TEN LEGS!!! That is the punchline. He knew it. He was so chuffed with himself!

He said "Thank you for reading me the story Mummy." I looked at him and hugged him and kissed his wee upturned face.

When we are screaming at each other. . . . I really really need to remember that he is just a sweet wee Mummy's boy who loves to have a story read to him at night.

Why can't he remember that too?

I sat at the dinner table this evening with my lovely family. As we ate I swept the right side of my hair back with my left hand. It is a strange thing I have been doing recently - I have no idea why I do it. And what is with tucking my hair behind my ears all of a sudden? I never used to do that. Must be a sign that I need my hair cut.

When Jessica saw me doing the sweeping thing she said "Mummy you look really pretty when you do that." I swear she didn't even look up from her plate.

"Do what pet?"

"Do that with your hair."

"Oh, thank you!"

Iain and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

David snorted.

Jessica looked from one to the other of us in rapid sucession and said "WHAT? WHAT? YOU DO! Most of the time you just look pretty but when you do that you look REALLY pretty."

Awww I love her so much. David is too old to look through "love-you-mummy-you-are-the-best-ever-and-the-prettiest-ever-too" eyes but hopefully Jessica will continue for a while yet.

After that I may have to consider bribes. I mean pocket money.

Jessica is getting quite good at that reading malarky. It is funny to be back at the beginning again. David is so much further on, obviously, but you forget how it is to learn words for the first time.

It was at this stage with David that I started to suspect he couldn't actually read and that he was just very very clever and remembering the book's words from the teacher reading it in school. You see that sort of thing on the tv don't you - the child that is dyslexic and puts more effort into learning tricks to get them through the day than it would ever have taken to read in the first place.

I really worried about David at one stage because he was just too word perfect. And then it clicked with me one day when he started reading something that hadn't come from school and he started to read shop signs and sign posts and things totally new to him.

I had a gifted child - why fight it any longer?

Just accept it and get on with life.

Jessica's writing is going well too. I find little notes all over the place with her writing on it now. She carries little note books and I think she is scribbling or colouring in but then I find it later and see she has written good words and perhaps a sentence. She will be pouring over the table writing away and will look up and ask me to spell something obscure and then continue on and later I will find a wee love note from her. I must scan some in for you sometime.

She has finally learned how to spell Mummy. Before it was Mumy but it was so cute (and wasn't one of her words in her word box yet) that I couldn't tell her.

I sat in the car today waiting for David to come out of school with her watching me intently. I was doing that most grown up and dangerous of things - writing notes in a book's margins while chatting to her too. We discussed the naughty thing I was doing and how it