I am just back from Nanna's where we go, as you know, every Saturday. While the kids took the dog out the back I sat chatting to Papa. He was telling me about a radio program he had been listening to earlier. It had some guest speaker on it talking about his MISTRESSES (plural!). He commented that before he had come on air he had looked up a dictionary to find the definition of the word "mistress". Either someone phoned in, or someone in the studio then told him that they knew the definition.

"First there is a Master. Then there is a Mattress. And the Mistress comes in between."

I raised an eyebrow at that and giggled, wondering if Papa had retold THAT story in front of Nanna.

THEN he delivered the punch line.

"I think that is an instance of when the word is spelled c. u. m. not c. o. m. e. You know?"

The last he heard was my "Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala," as I ran screaming from the room with my fingers in my ears.

Tags: Roy

There is nothing much to say about this one other than tell you I sat with my jaw dropped for the last half of it.

Warning: There is a small amount of normal language scattered among the swear words!

It's the way the narrator goes from shock to jubilation to shocked shock and then just turns to pure jubilant shock from 1.21minutes onward that make me giggle - in a shocked way.

You owe it to yourself to watch this at least three times - the first time you wont notice the scenes over Belfast, the Birkenhead boat going out or how fecking high up you are and no there is no way I am ever going up there now with a photography tour you must be out of your head!

Oh no!!! Oh no!!! Oh no oh no oh no. . .

I have just watched You've Been Framed! with the children. And my favourite clip was on it. Think. What is my favourite YBF! clip? Remember? The one with the Granny who can' t hear.

Her grand daughter is talking to her and saying "Suuuusan."

The granny says "Who?"

GD: "Suuuuusan."

GM: "Who?? Steeeeeven?"

GD: "No. . .Suusssan." And so it goes on for ages with it finishing with the granny telling the grand daughter she ought to learn how to speak properly. It cracks me up every time I see it. I love it mainly because it has my name in it but also because it has the laugh at the end when she tells the girl off.

I quote it all the time. When I hear anyone saying my name like that I reply with "Steeeeven." (And wonder why they are looking at me strangely.) It is kinda a bit of a running joke now and I do talk about that clip quite a lot.

Tonight I shhhhed the children when I saw it coming on. "Wait wait wait - watch this" I said.

Then watched in total embarrassment as the Granny didn't say "Steeeeven?" at all. She says "Juuuuuuulie?"

What? What? What? How could she get that so wrong? She obviously has forgotten her words!

I am so disappointed now. And kinda embarrassed too . . . Shhh - don't tell anyone!